Les Mis

I was reading one of my favorite adoption pages today, The R House, and their post today was about Les Miserables. If you have not seen the movie, it is amazing! Coming from a theater background, it was simply incredible on screen and came together so well!

Anyway, The R House related Les Mis to adoption, which I think is incredibly appropriate. For those who have never seen it, basically ValJean "adopts" Collette after her mother died. Collette's mother, Fantine, was left alone to raise her daughter, worked for her living, but left her daughter in the care of some inn-keepers (who were just evil to poor little Collette). When Fantine lost her job because it was discovered she had a child out of wedlock, she became a prostitute to pay the high/fake dues she was being charged by the inn-keepers for the care of her daughter. When ValJean rescues Collette, he becomes a father in a very sudden and unexpected way, much like adoption. (Disclaimer - Please remember that we birth mothers are not all in that situation where we are at the bottom pit, prostituting, drug users, etc. We simply knew we could not give our child what they needed). 

They actually composed a song simply for ValJean to sing in the movie that was not in the Musical. It was to express this "sudden" way of becoming a father. When I saw it in the theaters, I cried because I know this was how so many adoptive parents felt, but it was also how I felt when I had not only my birth son, but my own two (soon-to-be-three) children with my husband.



Suddenly I see
Suddenly it starts
Can two anxious hearts beat as one?
Yesterday I was alone
Today you walk beside me
Something still unclear
Something not yet here has begun.

Suddenly the world
Seems a different place
Somehow full of grace and delight.
How was I to know that so much hope was held inside me?
What has passed is gone
Now we journey on through the night

How was I to know at last that happiness can come so fast?
Trusting me the way you do
I’m so afraid of failing you
Just a child who cannot know that danger follows where I go
There are shadows everywhere
And memories I cannot share

Nevermore alone
Nevermore apart
You have warmed my heart like the sun.
You have brought the gift of life
And love so long denied me.

Suddenly I see
What I could not see
Something suddenly
Has begun.


Isn't it just beautiful? It just makes me have goosebumps every time I hear it. Its beautiful! I know that personally, as a birth mother, the line that hit me the most was "Trusting me the way you do, I'm so afraid of failing you". While pregnant, and not sure what I would decide - adoption or parenting - I always felt that way, that I was so afraid of failing my unborn child. Any parent can tell you that they feel the same way about the children they parent (especially first time parents and I know I constantly feel that way even now), but it was even worse while pregnant and alone and deciding the fate of my child. I could not fail him. He trusted me to do the right thing, and I could not fail him. I can imagine how a lot of adoptive parents must feel, having a child entrusted to them, how they must feel about "not failing" their birth mothers and their adoptive children. What a huge weight to bear that must be. 

And The R House definitely hits it right on the nail when they said 

"But, I was not prepared for Eponine’s line, “He was never mine to lose.”That line hit me like a ton of bricks and I thought about that baby we held for 3 days before we went home with his mama."

Yes, you guys have got that right. It hit me hard in the theaters too. Being a birth mother, I held my son for 1.5 days before he went home with his adoptive parents. But he was never mine to lose - he always belonged with them and I believe that with all my heart. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though, and I still feel like a part of him will always be mine in my heart. But he is theirs and I have no doubt about that. "He was never mine to lose". He was always theirs. 

Ps. I LOVE Hugh Jackman hehe. And listening to him sing is awesome for me!